It’s official: Paris Saint-Germain have signed Kylian Mbappe and have also lost the fucking plot.
The French club have spent the summer like they’ve had 12 pints and are shouting “SHOTS!” at every poor sod who comes within eye shot of them. And while the Parisian giants aren’t going to wake up tomorrow morning with a hangover that’s bigger than The Beatles, led next to half a kebab and chips and realising they need an emergency loan off their mum to get them through until payday, it’s still beyond belief that they’ve signed two of the biggest signings of the summer up front.
If it wasn’t enough spending £198 million on Neymar earlier in the summer they then tried to spend another £134 million on Kylian Mbappe.
When that didn’t work out because of a problem with FFP the Ligue 1 uber-riche decided that signing him on loan with a view to signing him next summer would be a way around it.
You would think that, having obliterated the world transfer record to lure Neymar from Barcelona to the French capital, that PSG would just sit back and let the silverware roll in, given that nearest rivals Monaco had already lost Tiemoue Bakayoko, Benjamin Mendy and Bernardo Silva by the time Neymar arrived in Paris.
However, not happy with spending the debt of a fucking third world country on one player, PSG decided to repeat the trick to convince Monaco to part with their most prized possession, 19-year-old prodigy Mbappe.
Real Madrid had originally been believed to be the frontrunners for the young striker’s signature and were willing to pay up to £160 million for his signature. However, a deal to take Mbappe to the Bernabeu never materialised.
Mbappe shot to prominence after scoring 26 goals in 44 appearances last season, helping Monaco to their first French League title in 17 years as well as firing the Monte Carlo club to the semi-finals of the Champions League.
Mbappe now makes up one of the most fearsome strike forces on the planet with Neymar and Edinson Cavani, who helped himself to 49 goals in 50 games last term and has already found the net three times in four games so far, this season.